p o o p

This past weekend I went to Cedar City with my dear friend Jenna. We arrived in town and her boyfriend was still at work so we got the spare key and made ourselves at home. Jenna decided we should let her boyfriends dog, Jager (Yager), inside since he'd been outside most of the day.

If you have a weak stomach, I can assure you that you will not want to continue reading.

After we had been there for about 20 minutes I came walking down the hallway only to smell something that didn't smell quite right. As I neared the room I was staying in, it became all to apparent that I was smelling dog poop. I quickly went into my room and didn't see anything so I made my way into the next bedroom only to find poop scattered all over the floor. I instantly walked out and said, "Jenna, Jager pooped!" She instantly yelled his name and went to grab him to take him outside. Apparently though, Jenna is really scary because she scared the dog so badly he peed. Which in my disbelief of the situation, pointed out. As soon as Jenna got the dog outside, I offered selfishly to clean up the pee in the kitchen, knowing that if I cleaned it up there is no way in hell that I would have to clean up the poop too.

Slowly but surely, the house began to fill with that disgusting smell and I knew Jenna would need to get in there quickly and clean it up before the smell overwhelmed me so much that I wouldn't be able to sleep back there. I grabbed a garbage sack, turned it inside out, and piled paper towel after paper towel in the bottom of it so Jenna would barely have to feel it.

As Jenna started going down the hall, I yelled, "I'm going to record you!" But as I got closer and closer the smell overpowered my senses and I inexplicably dry heaved which lead to Jenna, dry heaving even harder, which lead to me dry heaving again, which lead to Jenna dry heaving yet again. It went on like this for quite some time before I removed myself from the situation and said, "I can't do it." As I waited far, far away from the scene of the crime I could hear Jenna dry heaving harder and harder until she came out and claimed, "I AM GOING TO THROW UP!" As we both started laughing and dry heaving, tears came streaming down our very red faces. Jenna cowboy'd up though and went back for the remnants she was unable to get on her first try. I decided to try to walk back with her to offer moral support but yet again, dry heaved so hard I was convinced I would puke. Without fail, Jenna dry heaved again and so on.

After it was all said and done and the dry heaves were over Jenna said to me, "I sent Greg (her boyfriend) a text that said, "Your dumb ass dog pooped all over the house."